As I mentioned, the topic of conversation recently in our discussion group has been, “What is your picture of God?”
Considering this, I realize that I am finally secure in the Father’s love and acceptance. It took my whole life to get to that point. I used to think I was only accepted by God on the group plan – God had to love me because He loves everyone. Believing in God’s love is a big hurdle in many peoples’ lives.
It might seem like a contradiction to say that I am confident in God’s love and yet admit that I struggle to trust. Obviously there are things I have yet to know and experience of His love if I am not trusting Him.
While I have known for some time that my picture of God is still screwed up, I have not known how it will be fixed. I just keep going to Him in my messed-upnesss because I know that the only chance of fixing this is in Him. Basically, I realize that apart from Him revealing something to me, I’m stuck here.
The point at where I was/am stuck is on the degree of God’s intervention in our lives. Perhaps this is a common struggle. My theology that God rarely directly intervenes left me in the position of being an unbeliever – not that I didn’t love God, but I didn’t believe He would do much about the circumstances of my life.
Our lives are impacted by distorted and competing pictures of God. Our theologies play themselves out. After reading the recent tornado of articles and comments around the blogosphere concerning Piper’s precipitant piece on meteorology, I realized that I am not alone in the process of working out my theology. (I also realized that there are theological systems and conclusions that I will never agree with.)
Do I know that God loves me? Absolutely.
Do I believe that God will take care of me? Not so much.
A friend asked me the other day if I have trust issues.
My response was, “No, I just have low expectations.”
Pathetic as that might sound, that is where I have been.