You Are Not Alone

I wasn’t planning on going here, but I guess that I will. Again, I’m not an expert on anything, but I do believe in the possibility of restoration and wholeness in every area of our lives.

The issue isn’t just Ted Haggard or homosexuality, the issue is brokenness expressed sexually. And that my friends is a human struggle, not a gay-only struggle.

Bryan Riley said this in his comment to the previous post, “I can definitely see in my life a story of redemption in this area.” The reason to continue writing about this is to offer the hope of redemption to those who experience pain in this aspect of their life.

After giving a very basic talk about sex and intimacy at a women’s retreat, I was saddened at just how widespread the pain is surrounding sex. And most of the people sharing their hurt believe that they are the only one.

Over the years in praying for people, I am marked by the pain that others have endured in their lives. There are pictures imprinted on my mind of people whose lives are scarred with the brokenness that they have experienced, things that only Jesus can heal.

These are just a few of the faces of the people I see…

  • The young girl who “puts out” in order to prove her desirability and worth.
  • The woman who has to heal and make sense of why “daddy” used to crawl into bed with her.
  • The wife who endures sex because she has never experienced desire for her husband.
  • The woman wearing an extra 100 pounds to hide herself and remove the risk of being attractive.
  • The man at the church altar every week repenting, living under the yoke of shame of his addiction to pornography.
  • The woman who leaves the room whenever the topic of sex comes up because she feels like such a failure.
  • The person who became the victim of the neighbor boy’s curiosity, another the victim of an uncle’s perversion.

And the list goes on and on…

Whether it is your own fault or someone else’s that you became broken sexually, you can be restored.

So let me repeat a couple of things from the previous post that you might have skipped over because you thought I was talking about homosexuals.

We are all broken in areas of intimacy. The underlying sense of separation, rejection, and abandonment is the nature of the curse and man’s original fall. This brokenness can be expressed in many different ways, but it is often expressed sexually.

Shame has never been an effective motivation for transformation. In fact, it is often the greatest hindrance to true freedom from the bondage of sin. As we focus on the sin in our lives, we become hopeless in our inability to will ourselves to change. Yet as we focus on Jesus, he can bring healing and change in the process of restoring our hearts to the wholeness that He intends for us.

For whatever pain you experience in your life around the topic of sex, there is hope for healing. Broken sexuality is only a symptom of the brokenness in our soul and the brokenness that we bring into our relationships.

We will find that as the wounds are healed the symptoms of how we mismanage the pain and needs in our lives can be cured. God is as anxious to bring healing in this area of our lives as He is to restore our hearts to wholeness in every way.

Jesus has a specific answer for your situation.

8 thoughts on “You Are Not Alone

  1. I love the title Grace, it’s also a great Patty Griffin song :D
    It is so amazing how alone we feel in our brokenness.
    I think the sexual symptoms are probably just the most shameful in our minds. But that brokenness is much more than sexual, all of our vices or feelings of inadequacy leave us feeling very much alone.
    I think it’s freeing when we realize that brokenness is a part of all humanity, even the most confident and well adjusted have to deal with it.

  2. Thanks Peggy.

    True shaun, when we look at all of the happy faces around us, we often don’t realize the pain that others carry and sometimes think that we are the only broken one.

    I believe that God can and will heal our hearts, but it isn’t usually quick or easy. It isn’t a matter of how hard we try, just getting to know Him and His love for us. Somewhere in that Love we find our healing. It helps to have friends to walk with us and remind us of this. Also, healing of relationships is more complicated because it requires the healing of two hearts. I know it isn’t simple, but it is true.

  3. Grace, my mentor once asked a group of 200 men, “How many of you had dads that sat you down and talked openly about sex or intimacy?”

    Two guys raised their hands. That’s 1%.

    The really sad part is that he has been doing this for 20 years and the number hasn’t change.

    Thanks for being open.

  4. This is phenomenal, Grace. I’m glad you wrote again.

    Something else that is eye opening to me, as I think through the brokenness I’ve experienced and that others have in their lives in this area I realized that for every example you’ve written, there’s someone on the other side reeling from brokenness in that area, too.

    For every person who is a “victim” of a neighbor boy (or girl as it was in my case), that neighbor boy or girl is likely only reacting to their brokenness. For every wife who endures sex, there is a husband that believes he must not be competent and may be seeking affirmation elsewhere. For every man who hurts from pornography and secret addictions, there is a woman dying inside because she feels incompetent. The list goes on.

    That is why this must come into the light. Satan loves it when we keep things in the dark. There, he can really wreak havoc. Jonathan Brink’s comment about two guys breaks my heart, but it illustrates what you are saying even more.

    As to why some don’t believe God heals, it may be that the thing that is hurting them is still in their life. Someone who has weight related illnesses, for example, can’t expect for healing to be complete if they continue to carry extra pounds. That doesn’t necessarily mean they lack faith in God’s power to heal; but it may indicate they are seeking comfort for their brokenness from a source other than God.

    I know I don’t have all the answers, and neither are you claiming to, but these are some of my thoughts as I ponder what you’ve written. May we continue to seek the One who does have the Answer.

  5. Grace, thanks for this. A few weeks ago I spoke in our church, which is composed of 50% “normies” and 50% street people. I spoke out of John 15 “Make your home in me as I make mine in you”.. and talked about Jean Vaniers insight taht homelessness is a spiritual issue before it is a physical one. Many of us “normies” are homeless because we live in the house of fear and not in the house of love. God invites us all to come home.. wherever we sleep at night.

  6. jonathan,
    It is sad that in such a hyper-sexualized culture there is so little truthful talk about sex. It’s time for the church to catch up. Either we come across as repressively victorian or trying to hard to be cool. Maybe there is to much sexual brokenness within the church to be a valid witness or redemption in this area.

    Very true. Your examples demonstrate how unaddressed brokenness continues a cycle of destruction.

    Beautiful thought, thanks for sharing it here.

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