I got up this morning and did something that I haven’t done in 5 months – got ready to attend a Sunday morning service.
20 minutes until it is time to leave.
I am going alone to a church that I don’t know. Even though I have attended church my whole life (even prenatally), I still feel anxious about going. I cannot even imagine how an unbeliever would feel walking in cold with no church experience.
What if they are so small that they don’t really want new people there?
Will I stick out like a sore thumb?
Will I be asked uncomfortable questions?
Will I say or do something stupid?
Will I be expected to return?
15 minutes now, unless I chicken out. Deep breath.
kingdom grace 
Oh, the follow-up from you on this post is going to be so much fun to read! I remember the first time I attended a service after I had not been for many years. It was like visiting the planet mars and it was hard to believe how I could not relate to any of it. I look forward to hearing how it went for you.
I’ve had the same experience as Tracy. Like Mars. I hope you have a good time and meet some nice people!
After not attending a traditional church for about five years now I totally understand. And yet, when I do pop back in on rare occasions it’s fascinating how quickly I can play the game.
I can play the game, but I also am so totally aware how artificial a lot of it is. I am both in that culture (prenatal through many years of Christian higher education) and out of that culture. Makes for a very, very interesting analysis. Fortunately, my recent experiences have been quite encouraging. Despite my own frustrations and dysfunctional experiences there really are wonderful aspects that I miss and that are doing so many lives good.
tracy and sarah,
Well the experience certainly stirred up my thoughts and feelings about my expectations for gathering and my ability to fit somewhere.
patrick,
There are wonderful aspects of most churches. I’m not sure what to do with my feelings about the rest of it all.
Grace, me neither. And my feelings about the rest of it all seem to be the more influential these days.