It’s been difficult to write this week. A couple of recent incidents left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I am struggling to rid myself of the bitterness.
I don’t want the things I write here poisoned with bitterness. Today’s post is an honest reflection of my struggle to walk through the hurt.
Can I honestly say I have forgiven if I do not feel warmly about the people involved in our spiritual abuse?
I want to leave it all in God’s hands. I understand that justice and judgment belong to Him. But when seeing the person responsible for our abuse, I feel violated, nauseous. I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to be reminded that he got away with it. No one suspects a thing. His reputation is intact. Those around him submit to him as their spiritual leader.
I know what I “should” feel. It is frustrating having to continually forgive, let go, and try to heal. I feel so low on the grace I need to get past this. I am tempted to hit the delete button and pretend everything is great, but this is my reality today. Sorry.