A Fashion Rant

I have to admit that low-rise jeans leave me feeling

ummm….vulnerable.


As a middle-aged woman, my clothing policy is containment.
I hope to contain my body parts within the clothing I wear,
without risk of exposure.

Who hasn’t snickered
at a plumber or handyman

hunkered down under the sink

with his half-moon

exposed to the world.

This used to be the problem of construction workers,
repairmen,
and hairy guys with beer bellies.

Now women everywhere are at risk of…the plumber’s smile!

No longer can we reach the bottom shelf without worry.

Instead we tug at a too-short shirt trying to close the gap.

We must look for a place to sit with our back against the wall.

At a time in our lives when we were expecting to get comfortable in a housecoat and hair rollers, we are faced instead with
“hip huggers”!

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14 thoughts on “A Fashion Rant

  1. Thanks for the fashion rant, I couldn’t agree more! The last thing I want to see (or show the world) is a “plumbers smile”. I’ve seen less of those lately – thank goodness.

  2. My 8 year old lately has been chanting,

    I see London, I see France, I see Mommy’s underpants….

    To which I reply, Hey, stop looking at my underwear.

    And then, he tells me, But mom, whenever you bend down I can see it!

    To which I then explain to him, darling boy that he is, that he’s lucky that’s all he’s seeing!

    Yes, low-rise jeans and short shirts are this 40-something year old woman’s fashion challenge. Finding a decent pair of jeans, other than Granny jeans and no thank you, that have a normal waistline is like searching for antiques! When did this all happen and how did I end up feeling so, um, old and outdated? Why I’m even writing about it on someone’s blog…whoa!

    Yeah, I feel breezier back there than I care to admit. Certain pants require certain shirts which act like draperies, keeping my goods all private and covered up.

    Now this is an interesting metaphor, comparing my wardrobe to window treatments!

  3. I feel your pain. Today I had my eyes examined for the first time in several years. The eye doc was maybe 25. He said, “Pretty soon you’re going to need to start wearing…” and then he uttered the “B” word. AUGH! AND THEN he said, “As WE grow older it just naturally happens, and you’re at that age…” AAUUGGHH! I just clenched my teeth and said, “I’m going to pretend we never had this conversation.”

  4. The answer for the younger girls is attractive underpants. Hmmmm.

    David, that was the funniest comment ever! LOL

    Cindy, so far I haven’t had to deal with the “B” word, but do find myself more concerned about the lighting when I read, and I am regretting all of the teasing I gave my husband a few years ago.

  5. I’m going to exercise the better part of valour, and refrain from commenting on the subject of this post at all.

    Except to note that both my wife and teenaged daughter do not resemble any of the photos reproduced here — God is good, all the time.

    Grace, I started to answer some of the questions in your comment at my blog, and before I knew it, aliens captured my brain and sent me into hyper-drive blog-writing mode, and…

    Suffice it to say you’ve been immortalized in the four parts of the “Emerging Grace Chronicles”.

    And all that BEFORE I had any coffee (a condition that I will now remedy after posting this).

    As for the “B”-word — not yet, although I do notice that I have to take my glasses OFF to read the teensy-tiny fine print on Tylenol bottles all of a sudden (DANG!!).

  6. My advice to all you other 40ishers- find an opthamolgist who is at least 50. Grace, my husband, who entered the “B” world 2 years ago, didn’t cut me any slack when I got home- I vaguely remember quite a lot of heckling when he brought home his first pair. no going back now.

  7. Love those stores that offer an option, low-rise or mid-rise. Mid rise covers the ‘cheeks and valley’ a little better for those of us over 40. Your post had me laughing loudly, and then I had to explain to my teenage sons why I was laughing so hard. sigh

  8. Robby, as you can see, I am covering (or uncovering) important topics here!

    Yeah, Cindy, it’s kind of funny how many “young” doctors are out there all of a sudden. When did they start letting children practice medicine?

    Hi sushi. My teens, who never pay attention to what I’m doing, were suddenly over my shoulder while typing this post. They liked the cartoon, not too sure about the rest.

  9. ROFL

    my daughter (13) pointed it out to me – I do wish she hadn’t cos I cannot erase the image -and now I share it with you lovely people- of a young woman – not terribly slim – cycling and most of her back side was revealed.

    I was driving the car at the time and we laughed all the way home :) It was funny

    but seriously what chance do I have teaching my daughter about dressing appropriately? I mean she noticed this one, but the plunging neck lines or the two sizes too small tops … mmm

    grin
    thank God I have one son – who wears jeans, tshirt and jumper everyday :) only thing he’s concerned about shoes. they mustn’t be old fashioned! the last pair cost me 70€ !!! HELP!

  10. Lorna, I have daughters, I know what you mean. At least their little bodies fit into these clothes better. I need to write a few more posts so these pics will drop down to where I don’t have to look at them every day. :)

  11. our rule this summer on our mission trip was ‘no cleavage of any sort’ – meaning both chest and bum – it’s disgusting!

    it’s very difficult to find new jeans for my daughter that don’t perpetuate this issue – we usually end up buying them used at goodwill because the older styles cover up more.

    i don’t know what we’ll do when we they start carrying only the hip huggers there too because that’s all that’s being donated. hopefully the style will change soon and stores will start stocking real clothes again…

  12. :) don juan.

    bobbie, I think part of the solution is in getting an adequate size so that the “push-up effect” isn’t part of the cleavage problem.

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