Stepping off the emotional rollercoaster…..
I went to a party last night where I was the outsider. Although everyone was kind, there was an underlying rejection. I was struggling with the reality of being stripped of identity. It is difficult to accept being humbled repeatedly. I have to keep reminding myself this is a good thing.
It is surprising that spending an evening with a group of people that view me as an outcast would still impact me to that degree. The loss of my socially generated identity left a void that is sometimes confusing. I spent the day reminding myself that God is in this place of brokenness. I would like to escape the discomfort, but I know that it is part of His process.
Wayne Jacobsen had a post on his blog that spoke to me today:
Jesus hasn’t called us to live with the majority, but to walk with Him and whomever he gives us at the time—whether a lot or a little! If you need a lot of people around you to affirm your walk, you are in the wrong kingdom. Enjoy what he gives you, even if for a time it is only a couple of others. Because our focus is not on how many are going too, but which way is he leading us.
Sometimes, I just don’t like it.