A year and a half ago, my husband and I left what had been our church home for many years. While we felt it was God’s instruction to leave, it was unclear where we would be going. This began our journey of deconstruction.
We have had great freedom during this time to explore our beliefs concerning church. Having a solid relationship with Christ, we trust that while we explore, He will guide us into truth. We have given ourselves permission to let the pendulum of what we believe about church swing wildly, knowing that the Holy Spirit will eventually bring us to the center of what is right.
We spent the first 6 months simply not attending church. These were months of detoxing from habits, beliefs, and traditions that were a part of the Christian culture we were so accustomed to. Not going to church on Sunday mornings seemed really strange at first.
There was also a detoxing from roles and positions that had been important to us. At first, I was at a loss about how to minister or serve without people coming to me because of my position. A time of healing was also needed for the betrayal and rejection from those who didn’t understand us anymore. Some people were unwilling to continue relationships with us after we left the church.
Finding ourselves alone on this journey, I began searching and found on the internet many other people who were questioning the same concepts. It was greatly encouraging to read of others who were not only questioning, but also establishing new beliefs, especially about church structures and leadership.
I am not angry or disillusioned with the church. I think that God can be found in many places, and I have a deep appreciation for the people of God wherever they are gathered. We are attending a local community church with our children. We care about and respect the people of this church, yet we sense that we are only visiting for a season.
I am really grateful for the freedom to explore, knowing that God is patient and not afraid of my many questions. There are many mornings when I turn to my husband and say, “Guess what I don’t believe anymore?!” I look forward with excitement and hope to the road ahead, not knowing what is in store for us, but ready to walk with God wherever he leads.