I Want Some Answers

I have been pretty patient about this whole transition thing for quite a while now. The time that has passed has been useful and necessary for healing and detox.

However, these are important years for us, and our family.  I am upset with what my kids know and have seen about church over the last few years. You cannot keep secrets from teenagers. They pick up on everything.

We have done a good job of raising kids that are not religious. Their BS detectors are keen to legalism and hype. But have we done enough to ignite their passion for the things of God? or have we leaked too much cynicism, drowning out that spark?

In the meantime, I have been waiting, trusting that God would show us what’s next. I’m getting a little tired of waiting.

Clearance Sale on Intercession Books

Prayer Synchroblog

I need more bookshelves in my house. In our main living area, I only have a small bookshelf that holds about 60 books. In my basement office/store room I have more bookshelves, where I keep quite a few other books.

Over time, it seems like books begin accumulating in piles around the house – quite a few on my nightstand, some near the sofas, little stacks here and there, handy to grab and read.

About once a year, I do the book shuffle. During the book shuffle, the books I am currently most interested in go in the little bookshelf. This means that some books that were on the bookshelf get demoted to the basement.

Yesterday I took 22 books on prayer down to the basement. They will join another dozen or more books about prayer. With all these books, I must have the prayer thing down, right?

Actually, it has always been something that I wish I were better at. Surely one of those books has the key to effective prayer so that I could feel like I’m really doing it right. So why are the books headed to the basement?

Most of the titles were some combination of the words Power, Prayer, Keys, Secret, Prophetic, Effective, and Intercession. They are good books, but leave me feeling like I have to pray well in order for God to hear me.

I don’t think the point of prayer is about what I say or how I say it. I don’t think that God needs me to pray a certain way. I know that the Father already knows my needs before I pray. In fact, I don’t think that God needs me to pray at all.

But I need to pray. And I need to worship. Apparently my memory is short, because I need to continually remind myself of the goodness and faithfulness of God, and I need to frequently remember to submit my heart to Him.

So how do I pray? Mostly informally and spontaneously.

When I have quiet time, I like to put on a worship CD and spend time in the Lord’s presence, mostly just listening for Him.

I pray at random times throughout the day. If I’m out walking alone, I usually pray. Quite often I pray in my van. As things come up during the day, I will pray. I try to pray right away if possible when I feel the need to pray for someone or something so that I won’t forget. I usually drift off to sleep at the end of the day while praying.

Frequently, I find myself praying the Lord’s prayer, or at least starting out there. I love praying “thy kingdom come” and applying it to situations. Other than that, my prayers are mostly conversational, sharing my thoughts or worries with the Lord, usually praying in the Spirit also.

Prayer is important to me. Spending time talking with God helps me get perspective. Just a few moments with Him can center and balance me, whereas hours of pondering or fretting leaves my thoughts spinning in circles. Just a word from Him, spoken to my heart, really is like bread to sustain me or like water to quench my thirst.

I admire people with flowery sounding prayers. There is something to be said for those who pray well, who know the bases that need to be covered, and who somehow manage to address all of the angles.

I don’t like praying publicly now. My prayers are too simplistic. I seem to have forgotten the good prayer lingo. I don’t really need it when it’s just me and God, but I sometimes feel like I ought to have something fancier to pull out for other folks.

I’m still learning to pray, but for now I’m going to put away the books and let the Holy Spirit be my Teacher. What I say in prayer is not as important as what I hear in prayer.

You Might Be Missional If…

Don’t miss this list by Larry Chouinard at Spiritual Conversations. Larry doesn’t post very often, but everything he posts is worth reading.

My favorite, #12:

12. You’ve wanted to close a ’service’ by shouting from your pew, “NOW WHAT?”

Just One More

Dedicated to

all of the men who do not believe that women share equal standing in the kingdom of God

and to

all of the women who know they do.

Personality Roundup

UPDATE: I will do the final update on the list this evening (Tuesday, the 21st), so if you want to be included, put your type in the comments today.

Many of you have taken the personality quiz that’s been going around lately and have seen the lists of famous people with your personality type. I thought you might be interested in seeing lists of fellow bloggers and their personality types. Obviously, this isn’t a complete list, just a few of the bloggers in my bloghood who have recently posted their type.

Erin is conducting a poll at her site on personality types, so be sure to stop by her place and cast your vote.

The ENTJs should probably be at the top, The Chief or Field Marshal:
ENTJs are bound to lead others, and from an early age they can be observed taking command of groups.
Jeff Greathouse

Next the INTJs, The Strategist or Mastermind:
“INTJs apply the criterion “Does it work?” to everything.”
Me
Makeesha (another girl INTJ!)
Susan Barnes
Ronni
Jamie Arpin Ricci
Michael Kruse
Dan H.
Andy M.
Mike Clawson
John LaGrou
Patrick O.

Interesting FAQs:
Q. Is there a difference between male and female INTJs?
A. The only difference between male and female INTJs is that the females get more flack for their INTJ tendencies.
Q. Are female INTJs less feminine than women of other temperaments?
A. Female INTJs are just as feminine as they want to be. They can be as sweet as the next woman if they feel like it. They are just opinionated and don’t put up with stupidity for long.

Closely related, the INTP, The Engineer or Architect:
INTPs have the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge.
Brother Maynard
Joy

Next, an ENTP, The Originator or Inventor:
ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere.
Leighton Tebay

A couple of my favorite ISTJs, The Examiner or Inspector:
ISTJs are responsible, loyal and hard working. They are dedicated to everything they do and are very dependable.
Mary
Cindy
Barb
Barry
Lauren C.

Similarly, the ESTJs, The Overseer or Supervisor:
ESTJs make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws.
Malegra

Leading the polls so far, the INFPs, The Dreamer or Healer:
INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. They often have a talent for language and writing. I’m glad that I know so many INFPs!
Bill Kinnon
Lyn
Sonya
Erin
Julie
Ron Cole
Barbara
Scott M.
Maria
Che Vachon
David Fisher
Jake Meador

A more outgoing version, ENFPs, The Advocate or Champion:
ENFPs function as catalysts. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others’ contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. This is the kind of leadership the church needs.
Robbymac
Randy McRoberts
Jeff Smith (If you don’t know Jeff, be sure to visit his blog.)
Steve Sensenig
Daisymarie
Alan Knox
Fr’nklin
Kathryn
Steve Cochenour
Jonathan Brink

The ENFJs, The Mentor or Teacher:
ENFJs are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get personal satisfaction from this.
My husband
BJ
Amber

A little quieter, the INFJs, The Confidant or Counselor:
INFJs are introspective, caring, sensitive, gentle and complex people that strive for peace and derive satisfaction from helping others.
Deirdre

In a class by herself, ESTP, The Persuader or Promoter:
Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are doers who live in the world of action.
Heather

Next, an ISTP, The Craftsman:
ISTPs like to figure out how things work. They have great mechanical and technical skills.
Carrie

If you want, I will update the list and add you to it. Just let me know your type in the comments, or if you post your results, I will link to your test.

Is Jesus My Imaginary Friend?

Because I read so many blogs about faith and religion, I often come across discussions about the best way to prove one’s faith, debating knowledge and theological points of view. To be honest, I usually find these discussions to be very clinical, and the picture of God being portrayed too narrow and rigid. Although I am very logical, I don’t relate with God through my intellect.

I don’t have much interest in trying to prove my faith to others, even unbelievers. Yes, I know I’m going to have to turn in my good evangelical badge. The typical guilt trip is that if I love the other person enough, I would be driven to pound them over the head with the gospel until they get it, lest they die in a car accident tonight and their blood is eternally on my hands. Geesh, that’s a lot of responsibility to carry.

This is a comment I made at Sonja’s blog on her post Losing My Religion:

“Why do I still have faith? I have faith in the person of God and His love. I know the One who whispers to my heart and somehow communicates with the depths of my soul, and I trust Him.

I don’t believe that I could hang onto an empty set of beliefs and arguments without experiencing knowing God. At the end of the day, many questions may remain, but I don’t question that He is real and that He loves me.”

Our testimony is not our conversion story, our testimony is our understanding of who God is, testifying of how we have personally known God, who He is to us. Can I prove that I know God? My only proof is experiential, although to me it is more real than our current reality.

I question if we can really convince someone about God simply from the proof of Scriptures. Scripture can open someone’s heart to receive understanding about God, but it seems to me, that in order to have a real faith, someone must experience meeting the person of God and knowing Him.

I’m not saying that Scripture is unimportant, but I believe we must first have a revelation of the person of God. That is a work of the Spirit, not the intellect. From there, having come to know God, we then build our understanding of scripture and theology. I believe the greatest revelation, understanding, and knowledge we will ever have is of the truth of God’s love.

At the Forgotten Ways blog, Alan says, “The original meaning of the Hebrew verb ‘”to recognise, to know,” in distinction from Western languages, belongs not to the sphere of reflection but to that of personal contact.” He then provides this quote:

“The decisive event for ‘knowing’ in Biblical Hebrew is not that one looks at an object, but that one comes into touch with it. This basic difference is developed in the realm of a relation of the soul to other beings, where the fact of mutuality changes everything. At the centre is not a perceiving of one another, but a contact of being – intercourse.. This theme of ‘knowing’ intercourse rises to a remarkable and incomparable height in the relation of God to those He has chosen.” (Martin Buber, Good and Evil)

Let me close with this amazing short video of Brennan Manning (ht to Jonathan Brink).

“I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are, not as you should be.” – Jesus

"I’m Gonna Need A Bigger Crowbar"

We are knee deep in another remodeling project. This time we are remodeling the kids’ bathroom. This is our third (and final) bathroom remodel for this house. Except for the tub/shower, we are replacing everything – toilet, vanity, flooring, cabinets and lighting. As usual for us, this is a do-it-yourself project.

We have our roles down pretty well. I’m in charge of demolition, planning, purchasing, and painting. My husband is in charge of electrical, plumbing, sheet rock, and flooring. We work together on installing cabinets.

While working on the demolition I had a few random thoughts about deconstruction.

1. It starts with a desire for something new, something different than what you’ve had.

2. It is messy. Things look unfinished and broken for awhile.

3. Your routines are disrupted. Everyone has to adapt to the changes whether they like it or not.

4. Sometimes it is hard to fully envision something new until the old has been cleared away.

5. Longstanding dysfunction becomes more apparent once you begin the process of deconstruction. We have said so often, “I can’t believe we’ve been putting up with this. Why didn’t we change it sooner.” However, it is sometimes hard to see the things you are putting up with.

6. Trying to hang onto something old sometimes becomes a hindrance to accomplishing the new. Quite often it is easier and a better result to put in something new than to try to make the old thing work.

7. Plans have to be flexible. Sometimes the plan you start out with has to be adapted for the circumstances you encounter.

MPD – More Personality Discussion

I have seen this personality test showing up a few places around the blogosphere (ht to Heather). I enjoyed taking a test with different questions than those on the Jung-style test I’ve taken before.

Usually I test as an INTJ, although my results are not often definitive on most personality/gifts tests. As you can see from the graph, I am borderline I/E, N/S, and J/P having a 47/53 split on all three. The only one with a significantly clear result is the T, thinking. I am married to a high-scoring Feeler. (ENFJ)

As to the introvert/extrovert, I am energized by being around people and rejuvenated by being alone. I love both solitude and good conversation. Although I am more social than my husband, he usually scores higher as an extrovert because he is much more forward in approaching strangers.

The multiple intelligence test is an accurate description of me. I always score highest in mathematical intelligence on IQ tests. As the test shows, I am verbal (mostly in writing), relational, and self aware.

It is apparent and true that I am not especially athletic, musical, or outdoorsy. I used to play piano at an intermediate level, but only by reading music. PE was always my least favorite class in both high school and college, and the only class where the teachers didn’t like me. I still think it’s a good idea to duck if a ball is flying towards you. The badge doesn’t show naturalist at the bottom of the graph at 20%.

I have wondered about having a second career. I have a degree in accounting. Even though I’m good at it, I don’t really like accounting. What do you think might be a good career for a highly relational mathematician? (Is that an oxymoron?)

What a Week!

Well, I didn’t see that one coming.

I have occasionally visited the team pyro site and other similar sites in an attempt to understand their point of view. I have come to realize that, in spite of the fact that we are all in Christ, we do not agree in our perceptions of what God is like.

I find the strident tone of the conversations at some sites draining rather than life-giving. Therefore I prefer to spend my time at blogs that inspire and encourage me in my spiritual walk. And that’s okay! There are zillions of blogs to select from, and I can’t read them all.

When I came across the posters at team pyro, I was neither hurt nor angry. Rather the posters confirmed that their opinion of emerging/missional thought is well-established in their minds. When the writers at pyro made the posters, they wrote their honest thoughts concerning each of the topics.

The difference in the two sets of posters portrays a clear example of word association. With the same word, they hear one thing, I hear another. That is what triggered the inspiration to create my own posters. The same 20 words inspire entirely different thoughts in my mind than what was portrayed in the team pyro posters.

Honestly, I think it boils down to a matter of choice or preference. If you want the words to be meaningful, they can be. If you reject them as associated with something you oppose, then the words will invoke thoughts of opposition.

My posters are the result of what happens when you take a little spare time, a little inspiration, and a husband out of town for the weekend. I took each of the words, and in true word-association style, wrote down the first thought that came to mind about each of the words.

After the posters went hugely public, I was left to disclaim that they were not Official Trademarked Emergent-Approved Definitive explanations of the terms. Good grief, if I had known more than 50 people would see them, I might have put a little more thought into it. However, in the end, I think the word-association method is appropriate.

There have been over 100 links to the posters. Many of the early links came from my friends, and many people have written awesome posts about the two sets of posters. I tried to follow as many of the other links as I could and have added several interesting blogs to my blogreader.

Of course, not everyone likes me or the posters. Oh well. One of my favorite critiques is that they were overly positive. We certainly wouldn’t want to be too positive about Jesus, the gospel, or salvation now, would we? And apparently Phil Johnson has accused me of being….. ………..sweet. I’m crushed!

As to my motives, both sides have given me too much credit. My intent was neither especially gracious nor malicious. They certainly were not a “back at ya” to team pyro. They were not a well-thought-out plan to make team pyro look mean. And in case anyone is worried that I might be too nice, they were not even a prayerful response to ridicule.

They were simply me expressing myself with little forethought to the results. I didn’t realize that I had stepped into or inadvertently created a poster war. It caught me by surprise to suddenly be expected to defend the emerging movement and perhaps all of christianity.

My first reaction to some of the more harshly toned comments was, “Hey, what did I ever do to you?” It still surprises me when someone who knows nothing about me shows up with strong accusations. I don’t understand approaching a conversation that way. It seems like a better approach would be to share your own point of view rather than attacking a stranger’s point of view.

As for this blog, those of you who have been around know that things are pretty civil around here. We have had some great insightful conversations in the past. Agreement is certainly not a requirement, but for the most part, people share what they have to say in a sincere and respectful manner.

If you’re new around here, I would love the chance to get to know you. Feel free to introduce yourself in the comment section. And tell me what you wonder about. My old friends can play too. I’ll go first in the comments.

I have quite a few posts in process but not much time to write. I’m remodeling my kids’ bathroom, and we have quite a bit of company dropping in over the next couple of weeks.

In the hopper:
Deconstruction
Winners and Losers
Why I’m Not Joining The Emerging Church

Oh my!…..stay tuned.

Rules of Self-Effort

Rule 1: Don’t have anything wrong with you.

Rule 2: If you do, get over it quickly.

Rule 3: If you can’t get over it quickly, then fake it.

Rule 4: If you can’t get over it quickly or fake it, then stay way from me. I don’t want anyone to think I have it too.

I had this saved on file and can’t remember where I first read it. It speaks of how uncomfortable Christians sometimes are about accepting the messiness of real transformation. I think that often in our churches we opt for the quick work of behavior modification rather than real inner transformation brought about by the work of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life.

Naked Pastor recently had a post about taking the time to allow for transformation that occurs through a deepening grasp of the depths of God’s love for us.

“The kind of change that the whole human enterprise seems to admire and encourage is the candy-coated kind. Way more dazzle and impressiveness and instantaneous results.”

Today Brother Maynard has a great post about authenticity, transparency, and the importance of supporting one another in the midst of the struggle.

“The “during” is the part where there’s trouble. It’s the part that we don’t want to hear about, and the part where we leave people alone. It’s the part where those who struggle most need help and support and the part where they’re least likely to get it.”

It’s all about grace – the messy, wonderful, transforming grace of God’s love.